Hey CJ! Did you see the news? The Maharishi Mahash Yogi wants to build one of his Peace Centers here in Arlington! ~ Budge

The “giggling guru?” And this interests me why? ~ CJ

“Giggling guru?” CJ! This is the guy who invented Transcendental Meditation! ~ Budge

Have you ever watched this loser on TV? He giggles. A lot! ~ CJ

Fine. Mock if you like. But they’re going to have a spa and offer Vedic Health Care! Before now you had to go to Iowa to get that kind of treatment. ~ Budge

I go to my physician to get medical treatment, Budge. ~ CJ

It happens to be a science! The most thoroughly researched program in the world. It blends elements of ancient Hindu writing and mind-bending physics. ~ Budge

Your mind is bent all right if you believe in that nonsense. Have you ever looked at their so-called research? It includes any study done anywhere on the planet on the benefits of relaxation. There’s a difference between relaxation and TM, you know. ~ CJ

I have a mantra, you know. They designed a special one just for me. ~ Budge

Oh yeah? And how much did you pay for this mantra? ~ CJ

Eight hundred dollars. But that was a real bargain! They lowered the price because of my affinity for the I Ching. ~ Budge

And what is your special, one of a kind mantra, if I may ask? ~ CJ

Vishnu. ~ Budge

Vishnu? ~ CJ

Yes. Vishnu. I just sit down and focus on my mantra, and I move to a higher plain of consciousness. ~ Budge

You move to a higher plain of something, that’s for sure. ~ CJ

What was that, CJ? ~ Budge

Nothing Budge. But really, don’t you realize that Vishnu is one of the Hindu gods? There are probably a million people who have the same mantra as you. For all you know, that could have been John Lennon’s mantra. Of course, maybe that’s why they gave you such a good deal on it, because it was used. ~ CJ

I happen to think that my low blood pressure is a direct result of my TM practices. ~ Budge

Did you know that a German study found that 75% of long-term TM-ers experienced adverse health effects? And considering where you are now, I don’t think you should be bragging about the beneficial health aspects of meditation. ~ CJ

I’m where I’m at now because I got murdered, CJ. Not because I meditated. Besides, you can’t just draw any conclusions from that one study. A lot of people who are stressed out turn to TM. So you can’t blame TM if they have problems afterwards. ~ Budge

So you’re saying that people who do TM are screwed up to begin with? ~ CJ

No! That’s not what I said! ~ Budge

Well, yeah, you did Budge. However, I’ll concede that meditation may not have caused those people’s problems. But it sure didn’t help them either. ~ CJ

Okay, so you don't want to meditate. You could go there and study “Yogic Flying” there. ~ Budge

You mean sit in the lotus position, hop around and pretend to be flying like all those people used to do on TV? No thanks. ~ CJ

I’ll have you know that I happen to have achieved the art of Yogic Flying. ~ Budge

Before or after you were killed, Budge? ~ CJ

Well… after. But I was real close to it when I got shot. ~ Budge

Of course you were. Budge, I can’t believe you fall for that load of bull hockey! ~ CJ

it's not bull hockey! A lot of intelligent people follow his teachings! That's why they’re planning to build 3000 Peace Palaces worldwide! ~ Budge

Whoopee. I may do some yogic jumping up and down with glee. ~ CJ

And since we’re going to have one here in Arlington, we’ll see the benefits of the Maharishi effect. ~ Budge

The Maharishi effect? ~ CJ

Yes! Because all of the people who will be meditating here will change the fundamental, unified physical field. Those changes will radiate into society and improve all aspects of society. It might even put your lover boy out of a job. ~ Budge

I’ll tell him to polish up his resume, shall I? ~ CJ

Laugh if you like, but the Maharishi University in Iowa was responsible for a reduction in crime and accidents in the area. Not only that, but crop production increased. ~ Budge

You know, James Randi checked with the Fairfield Police Department, the Iowa Department of Ag and the DMV and found out that the data for that claim was invented. They made it up. ~ CJ

The Peace Center will also help with that homeland protection stuff. ~ Budge

What the heck are you talking about? ~ CJ

The Maharishi effect will create an invisible shield over Arlington. That shield will make us invulnerable to any kind of attack. ~ Budge

Well I feel much safer already. ~ CJ

It will be like having heaven on earth! ~ Budge

That seems to be the only way you’re going to get to heaven since you insist on sticking around and haunting me instead of dissipating or whatever it is you are supposed to do. ~ CJ