Oh no! My horoscopes are ruined!

I don't know what to do now that Pluto is no longer considered a planet. I mean, I know that the astrologers say that it won't change anything, and they will still consider it a planet when determining horoscopes, but I don't see how they can do that. This changes absolutely everything! Planets have certain effects on our lives that cannot be denied. But if Pluto is not a planet, then that must mean its effects are ameliorated.

Or have they always been that way? Have all the charts that have been drawn that take into account the position of Pluto been wrong? I can't believe that—my horoscopes have always been so accurate, and Pluto's position has always been a factor in my daily decisions. So do I change the way I make decisions now that it is no longer a planet? I just don't know what to do! ~ Budge

Sigh. Budge of course all of the astrology charts that used Pluto have been wrong. All astrology charts are wrong. They always have been and always will be with or without Pluto. Anything you find accurate in them is due to you reading yourself into a vague statement that can be interpreted a hundred different ways. Besides, if Pluto was so helpful in your daily decisions why did you open the door the night you got blasted into ghosthood? Now go haunt the TV for a while and let me finish up my books. I’ve got taxes due. ~ CJ